For My Friends.

A few months ago...early June to be precise, a few of my good friends and I traveled for the first time together. As we sat down and ate our final meal of the trip..we reminisced a bit on all that happened that weekend..and then, at the end of the meal when it came time to pay, one of our friends cheerfully said he was going to pay for it all.

And that's when I started crying. I was pretty tired and worn out by then...so the emotions were pretty high strung...but I cried at that moment because for the longest time I've been looking for someone...someone to love. ONE person to love, to spoil, to travel with, to be there for, to take care of, to share my dreams with, and have that person share their dreams with me, to cook for, to eat with, to validate me...to appreciate me for all that I am...for better or for worse. To want to wipe my tears away. To listen to my day. To want me to listen to theirs'. To admire and to inspire.

All this time...I've been searching for The One. All this time...we do that...BUT...God went above and beyond and gave me not just one...but SEVERAL "One's" that have graced my life this year.

I write this entry as a reminder to myself that there is no need to search or wait for just one special person...but rather...to be loved by a few beautiful friends. That is life enriching. And a blessing that should never be overlooked.

*Cheers*

To many more wine down Fridays.
To cooking and food escapades.
To traveling.
To spontaneity.
To "living in the moment".
To being each others' #1 cheerleaders.
To dreams.
To the bucket list.
To the ugly truth.
To spoiling each other.
To overplanning and being care-free.
To long email chains and chat sessions.
To venting.
To memories.
To our future babies playing and growing up together :).

I love you!!!

"How to Live Before You Die"

Memoirs of an inspirational person - Steve Jobs
http://www.ted.com/talks/steve_jobs_how_to_live_before_you_die.html

• "...you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

• "Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

• "... for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

• Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

• "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

:)

I haven't been this content in a long time...and I have no clue what will happen in 2 months...

But I am happy this very single moment.

I'm so happy to have moved out to the city. I love San Francisco so much. The food, the people, the beauty that it embraces.

I'm so happy to be able to see my friends regularly (Joe, Alice, Tony, Jenny). I am so thankful for my craaazzzy, genuine, giving friends.

I am so happy for the people that barge their ways into my life. Like Joe Lee and Alice Tam...even though I'm damn tired they will still come knocking on my door no matter how busy we are.

I am so happy for the reunions...Kathleen, May <3 Cheriz, see you Thursday :).

I'm so happy I've finally got a smart phone. Hah.

I'm so happy I even enjoy cleaning my new apartment!

I am so happy to be able to just...do whatever whenever. Like...not know what you're doing after lunch..wander aimlessly through a few wine, grocery stores, and random lil hole in the wall places..then end up in a random park and just lay on a bench to watch the clouds drifting over your head for about 1.5 hours while reading Anthony Bourdain.

As we say...for now: *cheers to the good life*

I am grateful. Everything is ok for now. Thank you so much for this brief interlude of bliss.

Landmark Education - BUT vs AND

A dear fellow life-contemplation friend of mine invited me to a "Landmark Education" forum this evening and after about 3.25 hours of reflecting and crying, I'd like to share some of the enriching contents I learned with you:

1. Have you ever had your heart broken? (yes) Have you ever been rejected? (yes) This knowledge is what's weighing you down. It leads to living in the past and a fear of being fully open to new life experiences.
   
   
2. Have you ever told yourself "I want to stop hurting?" or "I want these hardships to end"? When you stop running into hardship, you stop experiencing and learning from all that life has to offer.
   
   
3. Problems are just "boxes" of how you look at life. And it's how you approach these problems that can either empower or weaken you. One way this can be explained is how you express your "problems" and the big word that weakens you is the word "BUT".
   

For example, fill in these blanks:

I want _____________, 'BUT' _________________.

"I want my relationship to be better with this person, 'BUT' they are narrow-minded."

"I want to fall in love again, 'BUT' I'm not meeting the right person."

"I want to travel, 'BUT' I'm broke."

"I want to get in shape, 'BUT' I don't want to exercise."

Now....let's convert the word 'BUT' to 'AND'.

"I want my relationship to be better with this person, 'AND' they are narrow-minded."

"I want to fall in love again, 'AND' I'm not meeting the right person."

"I want to travel, 'AND' I'm broke."

"I want to get in shape, 'AND' I don't want to exercise."

By simply changing your wording...your view and interpretation of the so-called "problem", you find that your problems are NOT definitive. When we say 'BUT', we automatically link what we want with another statement that negates our true potential. When we say 'AND', the two statements become completely separate facts and as a result, your WANT becomes something you CAN control.

Thus...step 1: is to change our approach and attitude towards what is thrown to us and how we want to shape our lives.

AND with that said...I'm going to take the next week to practice substituting my "BUT's with "AND"s.

:)

San Francisco Enlightenments

After missing my bus and already running late, I caught a taxi today to meet up with some friends for lunch. My taxi driver asked me how I was doing and where I was from and after a few general statements about the weather and how I just moved to the city, I asked him how his day was going. In which he replied "Today? Today is as great as every other day. And every day is great because I am here in this beautiful city and have both my legs and both my arms. There are thousands of people who want to be here where we are, but we are here. Alive and able to enjoy what we have. And that makes today great."

Taxi driver? Or guru? I'll never know.

Regardless, those few sentences were sincerely appreciated. Because every day...as we age and grow older and get more submerged into the agony and pains of the world...we tend to become more "realistic" aka: pessimistic. Jaded almost. But, how can there be room for more bickering, war, and discrimination...when shit like tsumanis, earthquakes, global warming continue to happen? The world has so many natural disasters already... why must human-kind add to it?

And so...despite all this crap...this humble little taxi driver man has a glimmer of hope. To be TRULY grateful for that of which we DO have and to truly make the most of the fact that we are SO lucky to be where we are.

And so with that said I have to say that SF has been pretty darn amazing to me thus far. And, as a Bay Area native who has spent way too much time in a car and/or at home, I've certainly taken it for granted.

My little neighborhood in San Francisco, Nob Hill, besides being close to the awesome Polk street with its cute restaurants and coffeeshops, is just a 15 minute run down to Fort Mason/the Marina. It takes my breath away to be able to run over that little random hill and towards the Golden Gate Bridge. And then when I'm running back...lo and behold Ghiridelli Square and its missing neon letters and the backdrop of the pier and fisherman warf in all its glory...gee golly this is MY home! My Bay Area! It's like *slap me silly* someone wake me up?!

And then the other day I walked to the Moscone center and it only took 30 minutes!

And today...on my trek back to my new home, I walked along the cable car path along California street and to the Grace Cathedral. Seeing that the place is opened to the public, I walked into the cathedral and was in complete awe...the stained glass windows and incredibly high ceiling..the sheer size of the place was astounding. The floor labyrinth. The murals, and the lighted candles spread throughout the entire church.

As someone started gently playing the piano and another started softly singing some hymns, I sat down near the alter for about 30 minutes and kid you not I closed my eyes and cried. Tears welled up as I sat there in complete solitude reflecting on all that has happened and what is to come.

I know moving doesn't seem like such a big deal for many, but to me...to move to the city has been something I've been longing for for so long then to do so and for all of it to just happen at the speed of light reminds me that I really do need to make the most of each moment and to fully experience all that life has to offer.

I have both my legs and both my arms, and There is SO much to see and SO many people to learn from.

And so, dear taxi drive, I'm right there with ya. "Alive and able to enjoy what we do have."

A moment of content.

Dear World,

It's 8:40pm on a Friday night, and you can officially call me a coffee shop nomad.

Finished up my Wanderlust Recap at Jumpin Java along with my Chai Iced Tea.

Now, I'm sitting in Farley's on 18th between Missori and Texas...somewhere in the oh-so-beautiful San Francisco, by my own choice with... me, myself, and I.

(Thank you Amber and Aimee for helpin me find the place!)

Ate a Chocolate Chip Walnut Cookie with a cup o latte (latte art and all).

Just finished "Eat Pray Love" (GREAT book).

I am working 4 odd jobs...at random hours and random days.

Life is chaotic and my emotions have never been so all over the place.

But...Sam Cooke is singing "what a wonderful world this would be" in the background.

So, for now, I am content :).

Thank you for this moment.

Love,

Gail

A weekend of Namaste

Just got back from Wanderlust -- a yoga retreat held in Squaw Valley, CA. It was mostly for work, but I thankfully had the opportunity to embrace the atmosphere :). There's something intensely special about being in the middle of nature where your pure intention is to focus on your inner being.

With that said, I internalized quite a bit in the last 4 days (which somehow feels like a month...) and would like to share with you my newly discovered thoughts and revelations:

THOUGHTS:

1) "Stop waiting for happiness."
- So often in our lives we wait for the future to be happy. Whether it's that perfect job, relationship, special occasion, etc., we fixate on the tomorrow's and what is to come. But, we need to stop waiting. And seek happiness from within today. ~ Love Meditation

2) "60 seconds of being angry is 60 seconds you will never get back."
- The time you spend being angry at someone, stressed, or upset is better spent being relaxed and relieved. Breathe deeply. And let it go.

3) "Trust the energy. Lie back. And receive."
- Sometimes we try to give so much of our emotions to satisfy others. We are intuitively givers. You can search all over the world to find someone who is the most deserving of your intentions, but then you'll realize, that it's really yourself. Trust the energy -- and be the receiver for once.

SELF-REVELATIONS - Gail today: Epiphanies after 6 hours of driving, 4 days of yoga mantras, running at high altitudes (feelin like your lungs are gonna burst), eating uber well, working hard, and sleeping little:

1) I've got an old soul. Physically, I'm 24. Emotionally, I'm 34. And I love it :).

2) I'm idealistic and not very grounded in reality, and pretty darn proud to say it! Because I am capable of still holding onto it in a world where many have lost it. I've come to understand that life is not perfect and that shit constantly happens (and will continue to happen!), yet I NEED to believe that everything will be ok and that ultimately things happen for a reason. When I feel overwhelmed by my problems, I NEED to look up into the sky and realize that my problems are minuscule to those of the vast universe around me. I need to learn from my mistakes, traumas, and each and every experience and failure - I NEED to iinternalize them into something more beautiful and meaningful to me. This is how I cope. And to me, this is my 'ideal'.


3) I'm a home-body. Somehow staying up late and running a muck isn't that appealing to me anymore. Must be the old soul thing.

4) My greatest personal weakness is lack of patience. Which is the root of many, many things I need to polish up in my life.

5) I am in love with earthy people :). I am in love with one-on-one conversations about emotions, internal turmoil, and epiphanies.

6) These are my revelations as of today August 2, 2010 based on my experiences and the people whom I have connected with greatly in the last year. I may change in the next year with new experiences and people that I come across, and that's ok. I welcome it with open arms.

Evolution of my soul.