"Should You Settle for Mr. Right Now?", Lori Gottlieb
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"Gottlieb interviewed an array of experts -- sociologists, behavioral economists, social psychologists, and statisticians -- who presented evidence about...why women are fundamentally the choosier sex.
There are so many really wonderful men out there, men who want commitment, who want to be married, who are attractive and smart and interesting," Gottlieb says. "They may not be movie-star attractive, they may be awkward at first, they may not fit our cultural image of who Mr. Right or who Prince Charming is. But we shouldn't pass them up. Look what happened to me."
What happened to Gottlieb?
Educated and independent, she is gorgeous, vivacious, and sharply witty. She went to Stanford Medical School; she has written several books, two of which have been optioned by Hollywood. In other words, she is such a fantastic catch that she assumed she would never have to settle, that a Superhusband -- romantic, brilliant, baggage-free -- would emerge from the ether and sweep her into an eternally fulfilling marriage.
But, she says, she missed the boat -- several times -- by focusing on potential mates' flaws and expecting too much. Now 42, she has a 4-year-old son, courtesy of a sperm donor.
"We are taught as young women in this culture that compromise is a bad word," she says. "We tell each other: 'You go, girl. You get the best. You deserve the best.' It's not so much narcissism as a false cultural perception of our worth. We want the ten, because we think we're a ten. But we're missing the fact that we're not. Nobody is. Men have flaws, but we have flaws, too."
..............In conclusion, personally...I think Lori makes a good point regarding the fact that "no one is perfect".
But...I'm only 24! So, for now...I have the right to be choosy and to experience more different types of loves, and most importantly to develop myself into what I feel to be my very best! "Life is TOO short to be partially happy!"
As for "settling" for the "Mr. (or Ms.) Enough" at one point of your life...it depends on when and whether you truly want to be married or not.
If you feel the NEED to be settled and married ASAP, then SURE...you will probably end up "settling". I mean...that's why the terminology was coined, right?
And that's probably why most people DO end up "settling" at some pre-determined age penciled in by society. Because our friends and family around us are getting married and you're like "crap! must settle!" or "awwww...I want that, NOW, too!!!"
But I think ultimately, the key to truly being happy with another is to know yourself completely first. Then...you're not "settling", you're "accepting".
You both are truly happy with each other for exactly who you are and loving every single ounce of each other - the sexyness and the faults!
And to get to that stage of making a decision that concrete, you're certainly going to have to be well aware of your wants and needs...and most importantly yourself.
Ultimately, it all comes down to your ability to understand your feelings and happiness level. Also...I think the more logical you are, the less you feel with your heart. Call it "wishy washy", but it's true.
And that, my friend, requires a mélange of intense self-love and empathy for your fellow human beings.
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