Instability...it ain't so bad

In the last few months I've come to terms with my instability.

I think we, as human beings and children of the earth, for the most part fear instability. "The greatest fear is the fear of the unknown."

Why? Because "instability" tends to have a negative connotation and we are future-dwellers.

When we are in this state we are "off balance". Things are unsure. Things are not "perfect" or "in order".

I've come to realize that this has been one of MY greatest fears: lack of order and security.

And at this point of my life...while I still have the opportunity and ability to develop myself personally and professionally, I've come to terms with my instability.

All through college until this point did I fear not finding a stable career.
All through high school until this point did I fear not finding a stable relationship...

But, you know, I consider myself lucky to have gained a whole lot more experience having worked 5 different gigs in the last year alone rather than having one full-time position: sales at 24 Hour, field marketing with Clif, promo with Marin French, computer show thanks to Helen <3, and now gladly coordinating the March for Babies with the March of Dimes. All on top of researching, networking, endless cover-letter-writing, and interviewing for a gabagillion different companies.

I've met some pretty flipping awesome people along the way, bonded with colleagues, and learned lots.

Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my education, but then I've also come to realize that the greatest things I actually took away from college were my experiences and the people I met. Though, evidently, it's great to be well-educated, too. (Duh). With that said, I would rather spend the next few years of my life career hopping doing EVERYTHING in the food industry (where I've decided my passion lies greatest): from bottom to top, left to right. I wanna be a sponge and suck it all in while I still have the physical and mental ability to do so!

And the same goes for relationships. Quite frankly, it ain't so bad being single. I've had the opportunity to meet some pretty epic people along this path, too. Experienced great love and great heartache, and have learned 10 x's more about myself and people's wants and needs than can ever imagined. I'm not saying that I don't miss having someone reliable to hold at the end of the day, but for now, the instability is quite refreshing and needed for me to develop into my very best self :). What's that line John Mayer sings? Oh yea:

And this is not to say
There never comes a day
I take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I have to thank the wrongs
That led me to a love so strong.

Yea.

Instability.

It ain't so bad. In fact, it's quite adventurous and life enriching in my opinion.

If you have the opportunity, you should try it out.

What is happiness?

My friend asked me today, "What's your goal in life?"

In which I respond, "To be happy."

He further probes, "So..ok...What makes you happy?"

*blank stare*

*contemplate*

List:

• Having something to look forward to.
• Independence.
  
• Achievement.
• Progression.
  
• Perseverance towards success.
• Desire.
  
• Reuniting with loved ones.
• Laughter.
• Compassion.
• Empathy.
• Long, encompassing hugs.
• Coming home...parking my car...staring up at a clear night sky and seeing all the stars glimmering brightly above.
• Cool nights.
• Skyline views.
• Diversity and acceptance.
  
• Spending the entire day with my little sister.
• Having deep life conversations with close friends.
• Running on an overcast day.
  
• That natural tightness you feel in your muscles after a good workout.
  
• Cooking something beautiful.
• Good eats.
• Vanilla frozen yogurt with oreo pieces and peanut butter...*salivate*
• Food Network time on the couch.
  
• Driving by myself.
• Genuine compassion.
  
• Smiles.
• Berkeley Kiwanis.
• UC Berkeley Circle K.
• Circle K Board members -- people who will always seem to understand where you are coming from...
• Meeting someone new and realizing "Wow. We have so much in common! Let's be friends!"

Empowering the "Womyn" Within

Well...I don't know how much of a true "feminist" I have ever portrayed myself as...if at all, but the last year's worth of experiences - from work to personal relationships - have seriously gotten the wheels in my convoluted brain churning and the desire to do more.

Having had the opportunity to work with LUNA Bar.

Hosting LUNAFEST.

Working with women groups all across the UC Berkeley campus.

Having had the opportunity to work within the Gender Equity Resource Center.

Spending an absurd amount of time with my strong-headed aunt, patient and incredibly anxious mother, and my giving little sister...and of course...the endless talks about relationships and love with my best girlfriends.

Taking the time to focus on MY body. Making it stronger inside and out. Physically. Mentally. Amongst other women. For who? For me. No...not for you. For ME.

And now...working with the March of Dimes...an organization that focuses first and foremost on the mother and her child.

Somehow I'd like to be more involved within the community of empowering women physically and mentally and helping each other realize that we should NEVER need to depend on anyone else in our lives to make us truly happy. To find respect, comfort, and beauty in our own doings.

Affection is beautiful. Dependence?...is the bane of our existence!

So...I start with this note: "Womyn." We have the greatest potential to create beauty - from the soul which permeates through our bodies and the community.

And on that note...go watch the Vagina Monologues this year somewhere. Riveting.

Oh, and now that you've finished reading this post, please enjoy the following:
Ruby Veridiano-Ching "Pretty"

India Arie's "Video"

=)

"Mr. Right Now"?

This excerpt of an article that popped up on CNN Lifestyle this morning poses a question to my inner "Go-Girl" self. This isn't typically one of the usual things I'd post on my happy blog, but I'd be interested to see what other people think about this. Feel free to comment and debate if you so chose. (Particularly the last paragraph).

"Should You Settle for Mr. Right Now?", Lori Gottlieb

.........................

"Gottlieb interviewed an array of experts -- sociologists, behavioral economists, social psychologists, and statisticians -- who presented evidence about...why women are fundamentally the choosier sex.

There are so many really wonderful men out there, men who want commitment, who want to be married, who are attractive and smart and interesting," Gottlieb says. "They may not be movie-star attractive, they may be awkward at first, they may not fit our cultural image of who Mr. Right or who Prince Charming is. But we shouldn't pass them up. Look what happened to me."

What happened to Gottlieb?

Educated and independent, she is gorgeous, vivacious, and sharply witty. She went to Stanford Medical School; she has written several books, two of which have been optioned by Hollywood. In other words, she is such a fantastic catch that she assumed she would never have to settle, that a Superhusband -- romantic, brilliant, baggage-free -- would emerge from the ether and sweep her into an eternally fulfilling marriage.

But, she says, she missed the boat -- several times -- by focusing on potential mates' flaws and expecting too much. Now 42, she has a 4-year-old son, courtesy of a sperm donor.

"We are taught as young women in this culture that compromise is a bad word," she says. "We tell each other: 'You go, girl. You get the best. You deserve the best.' It's not so much narcissism as a false cultural perception of our worth. We want the ten, because we think we're a ten. But we're missing the fact that we're not. Nobody is. Men have flaws, but we have flaws, too."

..............

In conclusion, personally...I think Lori makes a good point regarding the fact that "no one is perfect".

But...I'm only 24! So, for now...I have the right to be choosy and to experience more different types of loves, and most importantly to develop myself into what I feel to be my very best! "Life is TOO short to be partially happy!"

As for "settling" for the "Mr. (or Ms.) Enough" at one point of your life...it depends on when and whether you truly want to be married or not.

If you feel the NEED to be settled and married ASAP, then SURE...you will probably end up "settling". I mean...that's why the terminology was coined, right?

And that's probably why most people DO end up "settling" at some pre-determined age penciled in by society. Because our friends and family around us are getting married and you're like "crap! must settle!" or "awwww...I want that, NOW, too!!!"

But I think ultimately, the key to truly being happy with another is to know yourself completely first. Then...you're not "settling", you're "accepting".

You both are truly happy with each other for exactly who you are and loving every single ounce of each other - the sexyness and the faults!

And to get to that stage of making a decision that concrete, you're certainly going to have to be well aware of your wants and needs...and most importantly yourself.

Ultimately, it all comes down to your ability to understand your feelings and happiness level. Also...I think the more logical you are, the less you feel with your heart. Call it "wishy washy", but it's true.

And that, my friend, requires a mélange of intense self-love and empathy for your fellow human beings.

"Live Like We're Dying"

It's time for another inspirational song post!

"Live Like We're Dying", Kris Allen.

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's too late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we leave out of our lives
So when we long for absolution, there'll be no one on the line

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

You never know a good thing until it's gone
You never see a crash until it's head on
All these people right when we're dead wrong,
You never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

"What Makes Women Happy"

I came upon this article via a friend's facebook (yay for newsfeed) and it's prompted me to share it with the rest of the world as well.

"What Makes Women Happy". Posted by Tiffany O'Callaghan

Article Focus: How women can cultivate happiness. (Based on several 'happiness' journals. Go figure! Look at this journal =P).

Highlights:

• "One thing that blocks [happiness] flow is self-consciousness. If you're really worried or anxious about whether you're achieving it, then it's not going to work for you...So, it's important to look at the things that are causing us anxiety. Some of those things we're not going to be able to do as much about, but some of them we can."
  
  Thoughts: To be happier, I need to avoid negative people and situations in my life that makes me feel like shit.

• "...a lot of women make choices based on how they saw their mother's choices working out, how they saw the choices of the women elders in their lives working out. There's some rebellion in that, but there's also some deep reflection."
  
  Thoughts: The deep reflection referred to here, I feel...requires analyzing generational and cultural differences, too. But, obviously, it's so hard to be able to separate it all when your greatest role model is right THERE.
  

• "...happiness [defined] as the capacity to rejoice in the midst of suffering...Finding joy in the midst of suffering is always going to be the key."

  
  Thoughts: C'est la vie. Makes you more grateful for the things you do have...
  
  
• "the simple fact of concentrating on their own happiness, and paying attention to their own happiness actually increased their sense of well being"
  
  Thoughts: Focus on the positive!
  
  
• "people who regularly express gratitude...are generally more content."
  
  Thoughts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao
  

• "If we really do need a place to vent, that can be helpful, but I don't think it improves our mood that much to make a habit of just letting out our negative emotions."
  
  Thoughts: I agree 110% Thus this blog. My blog is now validated. Thank you.
  

• "Finally, you decide, OK, maybe I am a dork, and maybe that's OK."
  
  Thoughts: Dorks FTW!
  

Read complete article here: http://wellness.blogs.time.com/2010/02/03/what-makes-women-happy/#ixzz0esfr3sdN