A moment of content.

Dear World,

It's 8:40pm on a Friday night, and you can officially call me a coffee shop nomad.

Finished up my Wanderlust Recap at Jumpin Java along with my Chai Iced Tea.

Now, I'm sitting in Farley's on 18th between Missori and Texas...somewhere in the oh-so-beautiful San Francisco, by my own choice with... me, myself, and I.

(Thank you Amber and Aimee for helpin me find the place!)

Ate a Chocolate Chip Walnut Cookie with a cup o latte (latte art and all).

Just finished "Eat Pray Love" (GREAT book).

I am working 4 odd jobs...at random hours and random days.

Life is chaotic and my emotions have never been so all over the place.

But...Sam Cooke is singing "what a wonderful world this would be" in the background.

So, for now, I am content :).

Thank you for this moment.

Love,

Gail

A weekend of Namaste

Just got back from Wanderlust -- a yoga retreat held in Squaw Valley, CA. It was mostly for work, but I thankfully had the opportunity to embrace the atmosphere :). There's something intensely special about being in the middle of nature where your pure intention is to focus on your inner being.

With that said, I internalized quite a bit in the last 4 days (which somehow feels like a month...) and would like to share with you my newly discovered thoughts and revelations:

THOUGHTS:

1) "Stop waiting for happiness."
- So often in our lives we wait for the future to be happy. Whether it's that perfect job, relationship, special occasion, etc., we fixate on the tomorrow's and what is to come. But, we need to stop waiting. And seek happiness from within today. ~ Love Meditation

2) "60 seconds of being angry is 60 seconds you will never get back."
- The time you spend being angry at someone, stressed, or upset is better spent being relaxed and relieved. Breathe deeply. And let it go.

3) "Trust the energy. Lie back. And receive."
- Sometimes we try to give so much of our emotions to satisfy others. We are intuitively givers. You can search all over the world to find someone who is the most deserving of your intentions, but then you'll realize, that it's really yourself. Trust the energy -- and be the receiver for once.

SELF-REVELATIONS - Gail today: Epiphanies after 6 hours of driving, 4 days of yoga mantras, running at high altitudes (feelin like your lungs are gonna burst), eating uber well, working hard, and sleeping little:

1) I've got an old soul. Physically, I'm 24. Emotionally, I'm 34. And I love it :).

2) I'm idealistic and not very grounded in reality, and pretty darn proud to say it! Because I am capable of still holding onto it in a world where many have lost it. I've come to understand that life is not perfect and that shit constantly happens (and will continue to happen!), yet I NEED to believe that everything will be ok and that ultimately things happen for a reason. When I feel overwhelmed by my problems, I NEED to look up into the sky and realize that my problems are minuscule to those of the vast universe around me. I need to learn from my mistakes, traumas, and each and every experience and failure - I NEED to iinternalize them into something more beautiful and meaningful to me. This is how I cope. And to me, this is my 'ideal'.


3) I'm a home-body. Somehow staying up late and running a muck isn't that appealing to me anymore. Must be the old soul thing.

4) My greatest personal weakness is lack of patience. Which is the root of many, many things I need to polish up in my life.

5) I am in love with earthy people :). I am in love with one-on-one conversations about emotions, internal turmoil, and epiphanies.

6) These are my revelations as of today August 2, 2010 based on my experiences and the people whom I have connected with greatly in the last year. I may change in the next year with new experiences and people that I come across, and that's ok. I welcome it with open arms.

Evolution of my soul.

Summer Dance Music 2010

Well, it's officially Friday so might as well get the partEy (in my head) started!

Some good tunes to get ya in the groove:

• "I Like It", Enrique Iglesias ft. Pitbull: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9_n8jakvWU
  
• "DJ Got Us Falling in Love Again", Usher ft. Pitbull: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBhj-Tv4WHI
• "Dynamite", Taio Cruz: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4EwFzg9r10
• "Somebody to Love - Remix", Justin Bieber ft. Usher: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOI4OF7iIr4
• "La La La", Auburn: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4-fuceJUmA

:) Enjoy

The point of quotes

You know all those sayings people have stored up their sleeves in the case that bad shit happens?

• "When the tough gets going, the going get tough."
• "Don't quit."
• "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
  
• "Everything happens for a reason."
• "Something so much better is in store."
• "When one door closes, another door opens."

They are quotes for a reason.

Supposedly they work. Otherwise why would people keep saying them?

So I'm gonna keep on believing in them.

And not quit.

Things could always be worst. Right?

Really. There's no use looking back if you gave it all you've got. And there's not much point in saying that "it's not fair" because well, no one ever said life was fair.

Just...need to cry it all out and move on with it.

Get over it. Resilience. Suck it up.

Don't waste your tears on things that don't deserve your time.

Save your energy for things that ARE willing to fight for you.

Because you're better than that. You KNOW it. You ROCK it.

Because you KNOW you're better than that.

Love is...

Love is...the ability to make someone's day infinitely better? The capacity to feel like you want to be there for someone through all their days, good and bad?

Some say that you can't love someone until you know yourself.

But, you know what?...will you EVER completely know yourself? We're constantly growing and our lives are constantly being shaped through each experience we gain. We never stop changing. So, how on earth could you ever completely know yourself let alone someone else?

Impossible. But what IS possible is being able to accept and feel that spark. That passion. That fire.

Why deny a feeling like that?

Why should something so profoundly simple to feel...be so complex to understand?

Maybe it's a naive thought. But what if...what if we just remembered why we fell in love in the first place. What if we just FELT it? What if we ignored all those "circumstances". What if we just let our emotions run wild?

All rules set aside. There are NO rules to this feeling.

You never really KNOW why. You just feel it. And then you just...let go. Your heart takes off like a speeding bullet. You can't stop it. It's gone. You can't control it. It's this unbelievable rush you get when no words are spoken.

And knowing that I can make your day infinitely better..take away your stress for the day...and the next. And the day after?

"Love as though you have never been hurt before..."

God has given me the ability to love over and over again...and though I know the repercussions of when things go wrong, I welcome it with open arms because I know how TRULY amazing it feels like when things go right.

If life is truly short, and we are to live for the moments, then I want to be able to love every single second.

Those little inspirational moments.

So. You know. I'm a pretty emotional person.

There are days I have these great highs. And then there are other days I have these great lows. And when you're in your mid-20's, live at home (or not), and are trying to decide on how exactly you'd like to shape you're life -- there seems to be ample time to think about this kinda stuff. So bear with me. There's a point to this rant.

I was talkin to my long lost penpal in Spain who lives my parallel life, but on the other side of the world the other day, and we came to the conclusion that it's better to have an erratic way of life than to say that "No sir, my life hasn't changed very much in the last 20 years."

Perhaps we are just obscure creatures who enjoy dwelling way too much on the "big picture" and titilating ourselves on the most mundane of life's mid-20's conundrums...but, yea! We down with it!

Needless to say I've had this super great natural high driving on my own to/from Sacramento for work this weekend, and I'd like to attest it to a few inspirational things I've only recently been able to internalize. Thus, in the name of my blog, I'd like to share them with you:

Natural High #1: My job with Clif Bar & Company & The Staff: You know, I don't think I ever wrote a post about Clif Bar (whom I've interned + part-timed with for just about 2 years now). And I've gotta state the obvious: i-n-s-p-i-r-a-t-i-o-n-a-l. From the product they make to how the business is run to the very core of it all: the employees. Super cool and truly a business with heart. What makes me say this? (No, it is not purely the reason that I would love like no other to work full-time for this company). Because of the staff they hire! They TRULY embody the brand and EVERYTIME I finish a Clif event, I feel the EXACT same high I get from finishing up a Circle K project.

You know...? That high at the end of a community service project/banquet/first gen/board retreat/etc. your team plans where you're workin side-by-side with your fellow CKI'ers? Like, you leave feeling really physically tired from doing some pretty hefty work of some sort, but you KNOW you've done some good in the world while getting to know and work with some genuinely awesome person. Because on some level they've inspired you on some level or another.

Point in case: This past weekend while working the Nike Women's Fitness Festival up in Sac, I stayed with my co-worker (+ her hubby + her 3 awesome dogs) in Davis. Needless to say this woman is SO COOL. For one thing, she lives in a castle!!! (Which she and her husband built together -- aww kinda moment). Second thing, she has 3 lovable dogs (a pug, beagle, and german sherpard! -- another awww moment). Third, she and her husband get up every Saturday at 5am in the morning to go running!!!!!!!

Together with her hubby, they cycle, run, play tennis, do yoga, and so much more! AND she makes kick-ass oatmeal!!! (Along side the fact that she is simply a wonderful person to talk to about relationships and life). She's so chill, easy-going, and hospitable.

My co-worker makes me wanna go to sleep at 10pm on Friday nights, just so I can go workout hardcore every wee hour Saturday morning, too.

Inspirationally active.

LOVE IT.

But yes...gosh, people like some Clif staff people just blow your mind.

Natural High #2: Mom
My mom is crazy. And if any of my siblings are reading this I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get scoffed at or made uber fun of later...but honest to God, I really love my mom.

Because she's nuts. She has the ability to guilt trip like NO freakin other. The ability to make me cry. To make me feel horrible about myself and want to rip my hair out. She pushes all of my buttons and there are times that I feel so incredibly angry at her for being so freakin attached to my dad. And I constantly argue with her and she NEVER has any justifiable reason for anything except "because I said so", but you know what?

She also has the power to make me laugh in the middle of crying over a stupid argument. She'll come into my room and be the BIGGEST dork ever. She'll grab my tiara (don't ask why I have one...), put it on her head and start making funny faces at me just to make me laugh for no good reason. She can spend the ENTIRE day cooking up a storm (You would NEVER go hungry in my house).

She's the true definition of patience, genuinely lovable, and whoever I chose to marry one day would be so lucky to have a mother-in-law like my mother.

Because she's a lovable nutcase. Adorable in odd ways.

I can honestly say that I don't think my dad deserves her as much as she loves him. But if I ever saw true love, it's the love that my mom has for my dad. And THAT is inspirational to me on all levels possible.

And I love her so much. It hurts.

Thankfully she doesn't know how to read blogs/facebook, so I can promise it now (where she can't see)...that ONE of these days when I can afford it, I'm going to make all of her dreams come true.

Natural High #3: Running.
Next to the Kiwanis Family, there is no other greater activity I could have been more grateful for than running.

I'm so glad I started running in high school because that is something that I will take away with me for the rest of my life.

It makes me feel strongest -- physically and mentally -- no matter what. Even if I'm tired it'll be an instant jolt to my system to wake up and remember that yes, my lungs are strong. Yes, I have these abilities. Yes, I should take care of my body. My health.

Running makes me more aware of my surroundings and myself.

I definitely can say that there's LOTS of room for improvement (in terms of physical endurance and shape and what there is to learn and improve on), but...man, if you've got legs, use them!

If you've ever ran a race where you're just waiting...waiting for the gun to go off before your heart stops...you know what that rush is like. Where your pupils start to dialate for just a few moments. Runner's high.

If you've never ran a race in your life...oh my god.

When you're in that environment, it's like...damn. Hella cool people.

And here's the fun tid-bit:

The most precious equipment you need for this sport is YOUR MENTAL ABILITY.

Final Note:
Gosh, I really can't say that this blog makes very much sense in anyway nor that I'm 100% sure where my life is going at the moment, but I think as long as I have the ability to truly appreciate some of God's finer gifts in life...everything will be ok.

Thank you for giving me the ability to cry.

Instability...it ain't so bad

In the last few months I've come to terms with my instability.

I think we, as human beings and children of the earth, for the most part fear instability. "The greatest fear is the fear of the unknown."

Why? Because "instability" tends to have a negative connotation and we are future-dwellers.

When we are in this state we are "off balance". Things are unsure. Things are not "perfect" or "in order".

I've come to realize that this has been one of MY greatest fears: lack of order and security.

And at this point of my life...while I still have the opportunity and ability to develop myself personally and professionally, I've come to terms with my instability.

All through college until this point did I fear not finding a stable career.
All through high school until this point did I fear not finding a stable relationship...

But, you know, I consider myself lucky to have gained a whole lot more experience having worked 5 different gigs in the last year alone rather than having one full-time position: sales at 24 Hour, field marketing with Clif, promo with Marin French, computer show thanks to Helen <3, and now gladly coordinating the March for Babies with the March of Dimes. All on top of researching, networking, endless cover-letter-writing, and interviewing for a gabagillion different companies.

I've met some pretty flipping awesome people along the way, bonded with colleagues, and learned lots.

Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my education, but then I've also come to realize that the greatest things I actually took away from college were my experiences and the people I met. Though, evidently, it's great to be well-educated, too. (Duh). With that said, I would rather spend the next few years of my life career hopping doing EVERYTHING in the food industry (where I've decided my passion lies greatest): from bottom to top, left to right. I wanna be a sponge and suck it all in while I still have the physical and mental ability to do so!

And the same goes for relationships. Quite frankly, it ain't so bad being single. I've had the opportunity to meet some pretty epic people along this path, too. Experienced great love and great heartache, and have learned 10 x's more about myself and people's wants and needs than can ever imagined. I'm not saying that I don't miss having someone reliable to hold at the end of the day, but for now, the instability is quite refreshing and needed for me to develop into my very best self :). What's that line John Mayer sings? Oh yea:

And this is not to say
There never comes a day
I take my chances and start again
And when I look behind
On all my younger times
I have to thank the wrongs
That led me to a love so strong.

Yea.

Instability.

It ain't so bad. In fact, it's quite adventurous and life enriching in my opinion.

If you have the opportunity, you should try it out.

What is happiness?

My friend asked me today, "What's your goal in life?"

In which I respond, "To be happy."

He further probes, "So..ok...What makes you happy?"

*blank stare*

*contemplate*

List:

• Having something to look forward to.
• Independence.
  
• Achievement.
• Progression.
  
• Perseverance towards success.
• Desire.
  
• Reuniting with loved ones.
• Laughter.
• Compassion.
• Empathy.
• Long, encompassing hugs.
• Coming home...parking my car...staring up at a clear night sky and seeing all the stars glimmering brightly above.
• Cool nights.
• Skyline views.
• Diversity and acceptance.
  
• Spending the entire day with my little sister.
• Having deep life conversations with close friends.
• Running on an overcast day.
  
• That natural tightness you feel in your muscles after a good workout.
  
• Cooking something beautiful.
• Good eats.
• Vanilla frozen yogurt with oreo pieces and peanut butter...*salivate*
• Food Network time on the couch.
  
• Driving by myself.
• Genuine compassion.
  
• Smiles.
• Berkeley Kiwanis.
• UC Berkeley Circle K.
• Circle K Board members -- people who will always seem to understand where you are coming from...
• Meeting someone new and realizing "Wow. We have so much in common! Let's be friends!"

Empowering the "Womyn" Within

Well...I don't know how much of a true "feminist" I have ever portrayed myself as...if at all, but the last year's worth of experiences - from work to personal relationships - have seriously gotten the wheels in my convoluted brain churning and the desire to do more.

Having had the opportunity to work with LUNA Bar.

Hosting LUNAFEST.

Working with women groups all across the UC Berkeley campus.

Having had the opportunity to work within the Gender Equity Resource Center.

Spending an absurd amount of time with my strong-headed aunt, patient and incredibly anxious mother, and my giving little sister...and of course...the endless talks about relationships and love with my best girlfriends.

Taking the time to focus on MY body. Making it stronger inside and out. Physically. Mentally. Amongst other women. For who? For me. No...not for you. For ME.

And now...working with the March of Dimes...an organization that focuses first and foremost on the mother and her child.

Somehow I'd like to be more involved within the community of empowering women physically and mentally and helping each other realize that we should NEVER need to depend on anyone else in our lives to make us truly happy. To find respect, comfort, and beauty in our own doings.

Affection is beautiful. Dependence?...is the bane of our existence!

So...I start with this note: "Womyn." We have the greatest potential to create beauty - from the soul which permeates through our bodies and the community.

And on that note...go watch the Vagina Monologues this year somewhere. Riveting.

Oh, and now that you've finished reading this post, please enjoy the following:
Ruby Veridiano-Ching "Pretty"

India Arie's "Video"

=)

"Mr. Right Now"?

This excerpt of an article that popped up on CNN Lifestyle this morning poses a question to my inner "Go-Girl" self. This isn't typically one of the usual things I'd post on my happy blog, but I'd be interested to see what other people think about this. Feel free to comment and debate if you so chose. (Particularly the last paragraph).

"Should You Settle for Mr. Right Now?", Lori Gottlieb

.........................

"Gottlieb interviewed an array of experts -- sociologists, behavioral economists, social psychologists, and statisticians -- who presented evidence about...why women are fundamentally the choosier sex.

There are so many really wonderful men out there, men who want commitment, who want to be married, who are attractive and smart and interesting," Gottlieb says. "They may not be movie-star attractive, they may be awkward at first, they may not fit our cultural image of who Mr. Right or who Prince Charming is. But we shouldn't pass them up. Look what happened to me."

What happened to Gottlieb?

Educated and independent, she is gorgeous, vivacious, and sharply witty. She went to Stanford Medical School; she has written several books, two of which have been optioned by Hollywood. In other words, she is such a fantastic catch that she assumed she would never have to settle, that a Superhusband -- romantic, brilliant, baggage-free -- would emerge from the ether and sweep her into an eternally fulfilling marriage.

But, she says, she missed the boat -- several times -- by focusing on potential mates' flaws and expecting too much. Now 42, she has a 4-year-old son, courtesy of a sperm donor.

"We are taught as young women in this culture that compromise is a bad word," she says. "We tell each other: 'You go, girl. You get the best. You deserve the best.' It's not so much narcissism as a false cultural perception of our worth. We want the ten, because we think we're a ten. But we're missing the fact that we're not. Nobody is. Men have flaws, but we have flaws, too."

..............

In conclusion, personally...I think Lori makes a good point regarding the fact that "no one is perfect".

But...I'm only 24! So, for now...I have the right to be choosy and to experience more different types of loves, and most importantly to develop myself into what I feel to be my very best! "Life is TOO short to be partially happy!"

As for "settling" for the "Mr. (or Ms.) Enough" at one point of your life...it depends on when and whether you truly want to be married or not.

If you feel the NEED to be settled and married ASAP, then SURE...you will probably end up "settling". I mean...that's why the terminology was coined, right?

And that's probably why most people DO end up "settling" at some pre-determined age penciled in by society. Because our friends and family around us are getting married and you're like "crap! must settle!" or "awwww...I want that, NOW, too!!!"

But I think ultimately, the key to truly being happy with another is to know yourself completely first. Then...you're not "settling", you're "accepting".

You both are truly happy with each other for exactly who you are and loving every single ounce of each other - the sexyness and the faults!

And to get to that stage of making a decision that concrete, you're certainly going to have to be well aware of your wants and needs...and most importantly yourself.

Ultimately, it all comes down to your ability to understand your feelings and happiness level. Also...I think the more logical you are, the less you feel with your heart. Call it "wishy washy", but it's true.

And that, my friend, requires a mélange of intense self-love and empathy for your fellow human beings.

"Live Like We're Dying"

It's time for another inspirational song post!

"Live Like We're Dying", Kris Allen.

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's too late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would've done

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we leave out of our lives
So when we long for absolution, there'll be no one on the line

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

You never know a good thing until it's gone
You never see a crash until it's head on
All these people right when we're dead wrong,
You never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying
Like we're dying

Yeah, gotta start
Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em while we got the chance to say,
Gotta live like we're dying

"What Makes Women Happy"

I came upon this article via a friend's facebook (yay for newsfeed) and it's prompted me to share it with the rest of the world as well.

"What Makes Women Happy". Posted by Tiffany O'Callaghan

Article Focus: How women can cultivate happiness. (Based on several 'happiness' journals. Go figure! Look at this journal =P).

Highlights:

• "One thing that blocks [happiness] flow is self-consciousness. If you're really worried or anxious about whether you're achieving it, then it's not going to work for you...So, it's important to look at the things that are causing us anxiety. Some of those things we're not going to be able to do as much about, but some of them we can."
  
  Thoughts: To be happier, I need to avoid negative people and situations in my life that makes me feel like shit.

• "...a lot of women make choices based on how they saw their mother's choices working out, how they saw the choices of the women elders in their lives working out. There's some rebellion in that, but there's also some deep reflection."
  
  Thoughts: The deep reflection referred to here, I feel...requires analyzing generational and cultural differences, too. But, obviously, it's so hard to be able to separate it all when your greatest role model is right THERE.
  

• "...happiness [defined] as the capacity to rejoice in the midst of suffering...Finding joy in the midst of suffering is always going to be the key."

  
  Thoughts: C'est la vie. Makes you more grateful for the things you do have...
  
  
• "the simple fact of concentrating on their own happiness, and paying attention to their own happiness actually increased their sense of well being"
  
  Thoughts: Focus on the positive!
  
  
• "people who regularly express gratitude...are generally more content."
  
  Thoughts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbk980jV7Ao
  

• "If we really do need a place to vent, that can be helpful, but I don't think it improves our mood that much to make a habit of just letting out our negative emotions."
  
  Thoughts: I agree 110% Thus this blog. My blog is now validated. Thank you.
  

• "Finally, you decide, OK, maybe I am a dork, and maybe that's OK."
  
  Thoughts: Dorks FTW!
  

Read complete article here: http://wellness.blogs.time.com/2010/02/03/what-makes-women-happy/#ixzz0esfr3sdN

True Love

Define "True Love."

True Love: The ability to appreciate someone for all that they are...no matter what.

I wanted to take this year to truly focus on myself, family, and true friends.

And through my close friends (you know who you are)...I have finally learned what TRUE LOVE really is.

I am sure I've written a gabigillion entries on this already...but I wanted to take the time once again to thank my close friends...you know who you are...for your true love.

My friends...are genuine.
Quirky.
Weird.
Off-the charts.
Sweet.
Beautiful.
Loving.
Giving.
Understanding.
Amazing listeners.
Greatest hug givers.
Affectionate.
Gushy.
Unique.
Strange.
Lovable.
Open-minded.
Open-armed.
Lions and lionesses.
Honest.
Hard-working.
Perserving.
Determined.
There for you when you need them...
There for you when you don't need them...
Genuine genuine genuine genuine.

Thank you for loving all of me...the witty and the shitty.

I love you guys SO much. Every single bit of you.

You deserve the very best. Just for being you.

I love you SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH.

There is hope.

A friend once told me, "There's a blue sky above the clouds."

Probably the best way someone has ever phrased positivity with such a simplistic metaphor.

Quite often...people are perplexed by why I smile so often...so much.

Maybe it's the happiness within Kiwanis that has engraved its optimism within my soul for the last 10 years.

No...that can't be it. Just part of it. Because my cousin tells me she's been playing the "I bet you can't stop smiling!" game with me since way back when.

Hmmm...

I dunno. But regardless...stuff happens...

Things beyond your control. Things that you may have had control over, but somehow slipped...

Mistakes. With serious consequences.

And when crap like that happens...will you still have the courage to smile?

Your life can change in an instant.

But...deep down inside...I'm still the same person. Right?

Just...wiser? Been there. Done that. Resilient.

On the bright side of things...through these tough situations, you realize who your true friends are. Who's really going to be there for you when you don't have the power to smile anymore. The people who are really going to give you a reason to smile again...

And then of course, you start really thinking about the things and people that REALLY REALLY matter. Like, the important stuff in life you need to focus on.

*slow nod*

C'est la vie.

Life is too short to regret...but long enough to make smarter choices.

Things to do - as of today.

Things to look forward to. Things to accomplish:

• Take up yoga.
• Bake a mango cheesecake.
  
• Bake red velvet cupcakes.
• Make a real-deal chicken pot pie.
  
• Get a gym membership.
• Run along the Embarcadero before work.
  
• Visit my buddies (you know who you are) in SoCal.
• Move out of the house.
  
• Get 7-8 hours of sleep.
  
• Wake up before 9am to workout (even if I don't have work).
  
• Master the guitar...well...bar chords for now. =P
• Find that damn Creme Brulee cart in SF.
• Pay off my loans/debts (or atleast a good ass chunk of it)
• Get fit again. (And have my cake, too!)
  
• Progress professionally.
• Live more.
  
• Regret less.
  
• Truly appreciate my family, true friends, and myself.

And the quote of the day is:
"One should ... be able to see things as hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

G'day.

2010 Gratitude & Prospects - The Usual Venting

Birthday Thank You's

I don't know if I had the opportunity to truly thank my friends for being there for me on my birthday. I know I already thanked a bunch of you in person/on the phone/via facebook, etc. etc...but truly. Thank you.

Thank you Joe, Jenny, Leslie, Sandra, and Tony for the hard-core laughs about everything and nothing afterwards <3
Thank you Joe Lee for driving and again...for always smelling so amazing <3
Thank you Jenny Su for being so gosh darn freakin sexy and letting us crash at your place <3
Thank you Leslie for partEyin the night away with me despite your sickness and long day <3
Thank you Cajita for coming all the way from SoCal. When I get a job...in a heart beat I will be down there treating you to some good ass George's Greek! Hell yes.
Thank you Tony for FINALLY coming out to partEy with us <3
Thank you Lily for coming out and having a drink despite your tolerance :) <3
Thank you Kathleen for driving up <3
Thank you Will for the Wood Tavern <3
Thank you Peach for being in my life <3
Thank you Mandel, Julia, Angela, Alisa, Jackie, Jen, Ashley, Andi, Lisa, and everyone else that treked out to The Bubble despite the rain -- thank you for being in my life <3 <3 <3
Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes <3<3<3
And Thank you, Kokkari, for the best lamb chops..best flippin meat I've ever eaten .

That night was amazing because of you guys! =)

Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

24 sure is kickin off way better than 23!

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Random Other Things This Week
- In the pouring rain the other day, I saw a licensce plate that said "OHGAIL".
- Dine About Town kicks ass.
- "Nothing that comes easy is worth while."

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Potential
As you may have read in my previous notes, 2009 did not fair too well with me...but so far 2010 has been moving along well. When it comes to the realms of relationships and career opportunities (probably the two most important things to dwell upon in my mid-20's life crisis), I've always put my eggs all in one basket. But, as shitty as 2009 was, I learned a lot...and I feel like the possibilities that have risen up thus far could be my big break in life!

woo! *crossing fingers. knock on wood*

To think that my life could be THAT much more meaningful..well..VALIDATED in the next few weeks would be wow. Just wow.

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Finally, just for Helen Cheng:

Dear Coach,

I love you.

You have this huge fat heart like me (damn obese hearts) that continues to bleed so freakin much for those you choose to care about, and you only deserve the best.

You're so beautiful and amazing in so many ways that I and all of your friends that DO care are so lucky to have you in our lives.

I know we talk about how...you never know...things may change and people change. But I will donate a leg and an arm to make sure that we are friends for life. Even if we talk once a month...or whatever. I dont care as long as you know that you can call me anytime <3

Love you. *wipe your tears away*

2010 Revelations = 100% Love.

Talk about kicking the year off with revelations and wide-mood swings.

I cried on New Years day at about 3am in the morning at Keith's place.

I cried a lot. About relationships. About the "what if's" and the "why not"s?

...

A few hours later come mid-day, I received news that a special Kiwanian whom so many Circle K'ers loved so dearly...passed away from cancer.

*blink* I cried again.

I never had the opportunity to get to know him very well, but from the few moments that we did speak, I could see how much he truly loved those around him. It showed.

...

A few days later I flew to Vegas to help Helen and Alice out at the CES convention, reuniting with old friends and developing new friendships.

To see so much passion and love oozing from all sorts of things (ie: electronics) is always something impressive to me. Be it rubber or computers.

Reunited with The Casanovas, Rachel, Tiffany, and Cheriz over good eats and drinks.

I saw John Legend. He was only 25 feet away. I screamed so much my voice chords are still wrecked as of today. The uncanny thing is that Bento photoshoped a pic of me at his party last year...and it came true!

And then I caught up with an old friend...after not seeing each other for about a year...I cried. Again. Because so many good memories came rushing back.

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One conversation in particular with a new friend...struck out most to me: "Even if you are able to love for just that one moment...that is a beautiful thing."

I think this is something that I have officially realized this month in 2010...and that is...if the opportunity to love arises, I'm going to continue to do so because as much as it may hurt...something deep down inside tells me that it was all well-worth it.

But to remember all at the same time...that the most important thing is to not half-ass anything. To love completely. So that I can be 100% happy.

And that the greatest way to live...is to live to love.